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Advice Needed

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by Benji76, Mar 24, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Benji76

    Benji76 Love Knows No Gender
    Beloved Member

    Mar 6, 2019
    Small Town, USA
    +50 / 0 / -0
    Hi everyone,

    I'm needing marriage advice. It's been a while since I posted anything new, but I'm really struggling with this more and more.

    I'm a pansexual middle aged man married to a woman. Some, who have read a previous post from me, may know some of this, but for the sake of getting to the point, here's a bit of back story.

    I've been married for 13 years. I know my wife knows that I'm not straight. I told her years ago, but that's not something we talk about, but she's not homophobic or anything. We both have and support LGBT friends and family members, but when it comes to me, I don't bring it up out of the fear it will cause tension. We just act like I never mentioned it, but deep down, she still knows. So it's not like a secret or anything.

    I am at the point now where I don't think I can continue on that way, and I really feel like her and I should talk about a more open marriage. That being said, I will explain what that looks like in my head. Ideally, I wish it were possible that I could have a romantic and sexual relationship with a man while married to my wife, but if that's not a possibility she's willing to entertain, I would like to, at least, open up our bedroom, so to speak, and have sexual experiences together with another man.

    I feel that honesty is important, and understanding boundaries and respecting those are also. I know that our marriage is important to us both. I would really appreciate any advice on how to navigate such a conversation with her and explain how important this is to me to talk about it if nothing else. Please feel free to send a private message if you'd like to chat about this with me. It may be easier to discuss certain things in a more candid way, but all comments here are appreciated also.

    Thank you.
  2. liamthomas891

    liamthomas891 HivesArk
    Beloved Member

    Oct 23, 2017
    +52 / 0 / -0
    The best advice I can give is to be as open and honest as possible when you talk to her. Let her know how you feel, but also make sure to tell her that you respect her boundaries. There's no real telling from my point of view how she will react, but if this is something you really want to pursue, I think it's worth a shot.
  3. psy.eclipse

    psy.eclipse Greenhorn

    +8 / 0 / -0
    Hmmm... I would probably say that you should find a comfortable moment where you can privately talk about this issue without stress or any negative emotion. Sometimes tension or stress can turn a very good conversation into a difficult one simply because people are not comfortable. I would say it is important for you to explain why this is difficult for you, and really be clear about how your feelings and emotions. I'm sure she will also be very emotional, prepare for that, so yeah, you both should be very honest and understanding. When it comes to having an open marriage, approach the topic carefully and clearly, because she might have some misconceptions or stereotypes about that. And the rest depends on you! Everything comes down to mutual understanding and respect! Peace!

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