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Advice needed please!!

Discussion in 'For Parents or Guardians of LGBT+ Children' started by Anna Ashley, Feb 19, 2021.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Anna Ashley

    Anna Ashley Lurker

    Feb 19, 2021
    +5 / 0 / -0

    So my first time posting here. My very soon to be 13 year old daughter came out to me a few days ago. We had a very good chat and she knows I love and accept her. Deep down I think I have known for a while so while it was a shock it also wasn’t if that makes sense. We have a very open relationship and talk about everything but I am the only person she is like that with. As a teenager myself my mum would have been the last person I confided in! She has lots of friends but she struggles with trusting people.

    She has a very grown up head on her shoulders. She knows herself very well and is very happy in her own skin and being herself but on this matter she only wants me to know. I respect that this journey needs to go at her pace and will no way try to make her do anything she is not comfortable and ready for. I know all of our family will be totally accepting but not sure how I reassure her of that without it looking like I am pushing her to come out? I hate thinking it is something she feels embarrassed about.

    I am a big talker, I like to discuss every emotion I am feeling but as she does not want anyone to know I don’t want to betray her trust by talking to any of my friends as I normally would. I know some would offer great advice at how best to support her but I can’t ask anyone! Any advice welcome!
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  2. Gab-bi

    Gab-bi Reliable Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Sep 10, 2020
    +317 / 0 / -0

    I think you’re a great mom just for taking the trouble of looking for this forum and searching for help.

    I’m 45 and came out as bisexual to my parents about a year ago, after which my father googled and read about bisexuality and LGBT issues and this absolutely meant the world to me!

    I’m not yet out to my children or to most of the other people of my family/friends and I can tell you: it’s hard and it takes a lot of steps.
    It definitely needs time.

    My daughter came out to me about 3 weeks after I came out to myself. She was 11 at that time, she now is 12 and labels herself as bisexual.
    She is a very open child with lots of friends and no struggles in trusting people, but it still costed her over a year to come out to her grandparents though she knew beforehand they’d be supportive.

    Please do not betray her trust and give her some time.
    Just be supportive and make sure she can be her true self, no matter what other people think or say about that.

    Maybe it would be good for her to try and find some support from people her own age.
    My daughter uses an app to get in touch with other LGBT-children under 18, but it’s in Dutch.
    The same organization that provides in the app organises meeting but that’s all cancelled due to lockdown.
    Probably go there in the future.
    She also has contacts with LGBT children in English through social media, I think TikTok but am not sure about that.
    I could ask her, but children of this generation are very good in finding this themselves so maybe it’s just a good idea to point out this option to her. My daughter really likes talking to others about what she’s going through.

    For yourself: you’ve found this forum, which is a great place to ask your questions.

    If you ever want to ask me anything: feel free to message me!

    Good luck to you and your daughter!

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  3. Jo A

    Jo A ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Premium Supporter Beloved Member

    Nov 22, 2018
    +3,072 / 2 / -1
    Mom, you are doing great and being there for her is a wonderful thing.

    What can we do to help you.

    This is a site that listens, cares and supports.

    Your Love for and of her is amazing and she is lucky to have that.

    Peace and please let us know what we can do to assist - Jo
  4. buzzzer

    buzzzer Well-Known Contributor
    Beloved Member

    Jun 28, 2020
    +333 / 0 / -0
    Thank you for accepting and supporting your daughter and loving her unconditionally. A number of us didn't have that. I believe you're on the right track concerning how and when she comes out to others. You state that right now she wants only YOU to know; that says a lot about how great of a parent that you are and that she trusts you. Best wishes to all of you.
  5. Beachmom

    Beachmom Worried parent
    Beloved Member

    Dec 18, 2020
    +8 / 0 / -0
    Be loving and supportive of your daughter and NEVER break her trust by discussing with anyone. Only she has the right to tell that to whomever she chooses.

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