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Advice needed! Ace questioning

Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by Trantisocial, Oct 11, 2018.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Trantisocial

    Trantisocial Lurker

    Oct 11, 2018
    +0 / 0 / -0
    I’m confused on whether or not I could be asexual/aromantic. I definitely experience sexual arousal but I’m unsure about the attraction part.

    I’m transgender and because of this the thought of sex turns me away. I don’t want anyone to touch me. I don’t know if this would be considered abstinence or not.

    I look at people and think they’re good looking or ‘hot’ but have no real desire to have sex with them. I wouldn’t even want to kiss them.

    A few romantic relationships I’ve been in had made me really uncomfortable. I hate saying ‘I love you’ and doing other relationship type things. It never happened but if I was given roses I would have broken up with them right then and there.

    I have had a couple instances with friends where I may have experienced more than just friendship. I never wanted a romantic relationship with them but I did want them to monogamously be with me. I would want to cuddle with them and generally just be around them.

    I need opinions on what you think I could be. Any resources you have on more ace information would help as well. Thank you.
  2. angel70

    angel70 The Old Guy
    Beloved Member

    Apr 9, 2016
    +4,969 / 1 / -35
    I think you may not have done enough to relieve your body dysphoria. Unhappy with your body, you may have the feeling that others necessarily will be unhappy with it as well -- so you avoid sex to avoid rejection. It also could upset you to think of somebody who might want you for your gender-assigned-at-birth, rather than the person you are. It's not "abstinence," it's anxiety.

    Romantic relationships create expectations of sexual relationships, so you're avoiding those as well. I don't have any doubt that you could meet somebody who wants you for the person you are, regardless of how you might happen to feel about yourself. You just have to let it happen -- when we expose ourselves to the things that make us anxious, and nothing especially terrible happens, the anxiety fades away.
  3. naturegal

    Beloved Member

    Dec 14, 2016
    +25 / 0 / -0
    Hi, I don't think I'm on the ace spectrum but many of my friends are. I'm always here to talk if you want to :) 
  4. Erin8

    Erin8 Lurker

    Nov 10, 2018
    +1 / 0 / -0
    I am a CIS woman so I don’t know about being ace and trans but I can tell you sexual arousal and sexual attraction are not the same thing. I think about it like this. If there was a straight person in prison, only around the same gender to whom they weren’t attracted- they could still be aroused even when no one around them they are attracted to. Idk if that makes sense but it helps me understand it.

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