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Advice? - Easing into appearing more feminine

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by Minniscule, Dec 2, 2019.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Minniscule

    Minniscule Greenhorn
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    Hi all!

    I'm thinking I want to ease in to trying to present myself in a more feminine way (I am an AMAB who's had thoughts of being trans or NB; still unsure) by taking greater control of my appearance. I'm finding, though, that I'm very out of my depth with that sort of thing, and I'm frightened to ask anyone IRL since it's something I feel I'm expected not to care about. I know it'll only continue to frustrate me if I don't address the issue, so I thought it couldn't hurt to ask somewhere like here.

    Does anyone have any recommendations for:

    - a razor/razors for legs, body, underarms and eyebrows. I'd like to have as little body hair as possible and to style my eyebrows a bit.

    - skin care stuff. I'd like to keep my skin soft and am worried about ageing (I'm 21 so I'd like to start addressing it before it becomes an issue if necessary). I'd also like to improve upon my natural complexion perhaps (?)

    - hair care stuff. I like having soft hair but don't know how to maintain it, which will no doubt increasingly become an issue as I grow it out

    - hair styling stuff. I know I want to do more with my hair after it's grown a bit, and the plastic comb I use currently certainly won't cover it. This might be a bit tricky since I'm still not entirely sure what I'd like to do with it.

    - cute clothing I can get away with while presenting as male. Men's clothes sections are extremely boring to me but I'm worried about wearing anything obviously meant for a woman. I love jumpers, the colours blue and purple and designs like stripes, polka dots, stars and hearts (most men's clothing seems to avoid everything I like lol)

    I know this'll all likely seem very naive and I apologise for that. I can be more specific on some things if needed. I've gone most of my life thinking I didn't care about my appearance (due to my dad's influence, mostly) so I took little notice of it. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

    - Minni <3
     
  2. Alsthom
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    Alsthom Princess Chick Pea
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    I do my eyebrows with tweezers, and I use a combination of electric clippers and the same razor as for my beard.

    As for clothes, find a blue-and-purple striped jumper :p  !
    Go through the women's section, you should be able to find some things that aren't too out there.
     
  3. Duckboots
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    Duckboots Hot Cookie
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    It's funny, I actually own almost exclusively woman's clothes, but all I have to do is change my voice and stance and I can come off as straight. I only recently reached a place in my life where I could present more feminine, so I had to work pretty hard not to be constantly dysphoric while still passing as a straight male. So yeah, get some women's clothes that look unisex.
    I don't shave my legs. Nobody sees them (not even me) so fuck it. I focus on my arms and face when it comes to hair removal.
    I only wear my hair in about three styles, a ponytail, a bun, and long and wavy. My work requires me to look more many than I like, putting up my hair and wearing a hat. So I am kind of forced to look more male than I like for my job. I'm considering finding something new where I can express myself more.
    I have no skin care tips for you. Every skin care product (even sensitive skin) makes me break out really bad.
    It is a bit odd but the thing that helps me the most is just to act more feminine or to drop the masculine persona I wear to protect myself. I find mannerisms and speech play a big role in how people perceive you.
     
  4. Minniscule

    Minniscule Greenhorn
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    Thanks a lot!

    My eyebrows are a bushy nightmare so tweezers never seem to make a dent lol. Perhaps I should give in and get something electric specifically for them, and a different set for body and legs. I've been trying to find the best 'all-purpose' shaver I can for cost's sake, but to no avail. I should probably start wet shaving too as my electric inevitably leaves a lot of stubble.

    Yeah, I should probably just accept buying women's clothes tbh, but I'm so scared about being questioned for it if I wear them publicly! That and I'm worried about them fitting (I'm fairly short thankfully so maybe that won't be too big an issue). I was in a clothes shop the other day and saw some women's jumpers I liked, but I hadn't the nerve to get them. I'm gonna make, make, MAKE myself one of these days lol
     
  5. Dreamsexual
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    Dreamsexual Reliable Contributor
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    Easy femme appearance items, which you can still pass off as being male if you need:

    a) Earrings
    b) Bracelets
    c) Nail polish/ Eyeliner - 'goth'/'emo'
    d) Pink coloured clothes
    e) Ladies watch style
    f) Unisex type footwear
    g) Unisex tees and tops
    h) Skinny jeans
    i) Long hair
    j) 'Cute' merch - Disney / Drag Queens/ Wonder Woman/ etc

    Just some ideas :) 
    Good luck!
     
  6. Minniscule

    Minniscule Greenhorn
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    Thanks so much! Glad to hear things are going well for you c:

    Yeah, acting differently has been really helping me too. I've felt so much better since I stopped feeling I had to act "like a man." I do try to speak a bit less deeply too but my throat seems to hate it at times lol (I should probably look into it more seriously in terms of speech patterns and not straining my vocal chords too much tbh).

    I need. to. not. be. scared. about. buying. clothes! I've gotta tell myself that and just get some nice, unisex-looking stuff lol

    I've always wanted to shave my legs (and armpits) so I'll probably at least try it once, then only do it when I have to wear shorter summer clothes. Arms and face are a definite priority for me too so I'm trying to find a tool that does those well.

    Hairstyles like those are so cute to me! Honestly though I'm kinda frightened to grow my hair to that point and try them though as I'd probably just look like my dad used to (he was a bit of a hippie) and feel awful about it lol. I know I want some kind of cute fringe at the very least, so I'll keep growing the front out.
     
  7. Duckboots
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    Duckboots Hot Cookie
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    Oh, wow, my dad is a bit a hippie too. He's like a foot and a half taller than me though, so I don't have to worry about looking like him. I can actually be quite shy when it comes to stores too. I often have a head ache by the time I leave. I want to do more of my shopping online from now on to avoid the anxiety. I've been so poor so long I forgot what it was like to go into a crowded store. It was kind of like "What is this feeling? Is this anxiety? I haven't had anxiety in years. Why now."
    Haha. I kind of forgot how it felt to go places and do things sober, so without my main coping mechanism (alcohol) suddenly everything is anxiety inducing. It's quite annoying. I never developed healthy methods so its like being naked in a blizzard.
     
  8. Minniscule

    Minniscule Greenhorn
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    Mine's about my height and has some similar facial features to me, so I've been trying to look past that and, I suppose, see elements of my mother in myself instead. I'm grateful for my lengthy eyelashes and fairly prominent lips. Being more like my mother is perhaps a large subconscious element of all of this, thinking about it. I remembered recently how vividly I can recall watching her paint her toes when I was a toddler, down to the smell of the paint, which I'm sure left an impression that's just now resurfacing.

    Yeah, I'm considering ordering stuff online but I'm so worried about it coming and not fitting. I hate kicking up a fuss about anything so having to return something (especially something potentially embarrassing) is the last thing I want lol. I always get anxious in shops. I've genuinely bought something else alongside the thing I actually wanted to buy in the past, just to disguise it for myself psychologically, in a funny sort of way. Plenty of times I've just not bought something I want because I was scared to interact with the cashier too lol

    I've been starting to appreciate lately that I'm probably abnormally anxious lol. An interaction can go well and I'll still end up needing to mutter to myself and breathe deeply to alleviate the stress of all the thoughts about it running through my head. Probably ought to see my GP tbh lol
     
  9. Alsthom
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    Alsthom Princess Chick Pea
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    The cashier probably won't say anything at all. You're just buying clothes after all. It could be a gift for anyone, mother, sister, girlfriend, girl friend...
    I had a hard time buying stuff too, but one day I just stopped thinking and did it. Just did it.
     
  10. Izabelle

    Izabelle Greenhorn

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    I'm actually the opposite where I'm trying to present as more androgynous lol but Im AFAB so it's not as difficult for me to come off as female but I understand wanting subtle femininity so I might have some tips!

    As per eyebrows and such if you go to a local salon in the mall or such if you feel comfortable of course and ask if they can thin out your eyebrows for you they often can help set a style for you! I've also found that using elf clear mascara and brow gel (like $3 at any drug store) helps maintain my eyebrows into a more feminine shape or masculine depending on what I'm feeling. More feminine brows usually entail smoothing them out and making less of a serious arch and thickness. Also if you don't know how to feel about plucking you can get facial razors that are more delicate than real razors just for eyebrows at any drugstore. Other makeup tips I like that are subtle is a little bit of blush on the cheeks, and using a brown eyeliner pencil on my upper eye waterline. It makes your eyes softer and pop without it looking like you're wearing makeup. Couple it with a little bit of the clear lash gel mentioned earlier and curled a bit so your lashes are more dramatic and boom subtle femininity!

    Skincare the best place to start is sunscreen (at least SPF 30) its an absolute must for any of us youngins and will keep your skin youthful when you get old lol. I personally got really into Korean skincare and modified it as I needed. A good place to find what works for you is sample packs like peter Thomas Roths face mask set. Also, don't get sucked into pricey skin care. Burts bees deep cleaning menthol face wash has cleared my skin up beautifully, my toner is alcohol-free toner from thayers gets rid of redness and dry skin after washing. TJ maxx has a great free skincare section where I got hyaluronic acid that has evened my skin tone, but I also like Klairs rich moist soothing serum (a game-changer but a little pricey) and for moisturizers, I switch it up but I personally love saint Ives collagen cream. All are really affordable and Buzzfeed has some good articles on affordable skincare. Oh and for breakout mario badescu drying lotion stops my breakouts in their tracks and is gentler for me than benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid.

    For razors, I use Harry's (yes it's targeted towards men) BUT the razors are usually really sharp and designed for corse hairs and its more investment upfront but they're good quality and you can replace the razors as needed and the replacements are cheaper. And you're saving the planet a bit!

    Hair is tricky it really depends on your hair type for maintaining its softness. For example, i have thick curly hair s I use a heavy leave-in conditioner by Cantu and miss Jessies as my styler. But those would be too much for straight thinner hair. I apologize I can't offer more at the moment.

    The clothes however I had the same issue when I started shopping for masculine clothing! What really helped ironically was shopping at goodwill and thrift stores! hear me out thrifted clothes are totally in style, you can try on a bunch of different styles to see how they fit and if they're feminine enough or not, they're often very very cheap and a massive range of sizes, and again helping the planet. Also, the goodwill workers totally don't care about whos buying what they get people from all walks of life. When I was first shopping and I was self-conscious I would pretend in my head I was shopping for a boyfriend or sibling. But more often than not the store was usually barren and never crowded so I could shop in peace.

    I would look towards bright prints as masculine clothing is typically those darker muted colors. For example, I have this one men's button-up shirt that's a sunshine yellow with blue palm trees and I can wear in interchangeable as masculine or feminine. Also, women's shirts are usually longer or shorter than men (think almost crop tops and flowy shirts) and girls' sleeves aren't always straight sleeves sometimes cap sleeves. Deeper V-necks and skinny jeans/ripped jeans are another way to add a little more femininity in clothing!
     
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  11. Minniscule

    Minniscule Greenhorn
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    Wowwww this is super helpful! Thanks so much! Now I have no excuse, haha... Hopefully I'll be able to get some of this stuff, given I live in the UK (I don't recognise any of the brand names lol). Definitely gotta keep a record of this post to refer to when I'm trying to address some of this.

    (Also I realise now I forgot to clarify that my hair's fairly thick and straight)
     
    #11 Minniscule, Dec 4, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2019
  12. Corvus
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    Corvus Agender chatterbox
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    With the time and effort you devote to your answers I see a bright future for you here :) 
     

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