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A deadname/name question

Discussion in 'Transgender' started by anon_abstraction, Oct 12, 2017.  |  Print Topic

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  1. anon_abstraction
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    anon_abstraction Taylor, the devil's plan
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    I asked a friend to think of names she might think would fit me. I was thinking about naming an RPG character one of those names and see how it worked. Because I hadn't thought of changing my name but, meh, might as well try. This is how it actually worked,

    We were in the middle of a conversation and I came back from doing stuff er something and saw she had posted some names.

    The first one she posted had such a strong emotional reaction that I lost eyesight. My heart stopped. It was the strongest emotional reaction I have ever had from reading a single word. The rest of them were just words. They didn't apply.

    I don't know any Taylors ( I almost typed "other than me" ) that would be that important. I don't know if I can put a face to a single Taylor which makes it unlikely that the word applies to a person in my past that is important.

    Now I am struggling to apply "Tim" the same way I struggled to apply "cis" when I first realized I was agender.

    Is it possible my friend stumbled upon my name and revealed it to me? Is it possible that my name is "Taylor" and not "Tim"? I'm wondering if anyone here has a deadname or has a friend with one if you have seen this reaction before when people encountered their actual name.
     
  2. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    This is all new to me.
    I'll follow this thread as much as possible..
    Sounds very interesting.
     
  3. Valarmorghulis
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    Valarmorghulis Opai dragon !
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    not sure what you mean by 'their actual name' if you are referring to names you would prefer then i would prefer as a guy to be called chris i have always liked that name. If female names are it then i would like to called something from greek/roman/norse mythology possibly frayr or diana. But i don't really mind my name at the moment. Sam. its simple easy to remember and its not really a bad name.
     
  4. SwordArts

    SwordArts Dedicative Advisor
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    If you feel an immediate connection to the name Taylor then go for it. I think it’s a good name, quite modern (as a first name) but that’s not a bad thing.
    Just because some people spend a long time finding their name, doesn’t mean it has to be that way.

    Start asking your friends to use it, start referring to yourself with that name and see how that feels. Introduce yourself to someone, even if it’s just the name they write on your coffee at Starbucks. And if it still makes you happy, then you know you have found your name.
     
  5. anon_abstraction
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    anon_abstraction Taylor, the devil's plan
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    So I slept on it to see how I felt about it when I woke up. I was perhaps expecting to experience the euphoria after I woke up agender or similar but less when I realized my sexuality was different and when I accepted transgender.

    This was different. I woke up and just "was" a thing. No euphoria just am Taylor.

    Similarly I thought applying "Tim" would make me ill applying to myself like "cis". Instead I have trouble pronouncing the name in my head. Like remembering or using it requires deep thought and concentration.

    Which is what I feel I may ask y'all to do now, if you don't mind.

    Like Valarmorghulis said though most names people use find things that I find strange like Chaos (they actually deadnamed their entire deadname, first middle and last) or Autumn or simply J.R....like mythology names. Which is why I thought something simple like Taylor was strange.
     
  6. SwordArts

    SwordArts Dedicative Advisor
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    Welcome Taylor :) .

    Choosing your own name is different from when your parents named you. It can be as simple, ordinary or weird as you like. But it is whatever represents you. However the very unusual names are more likely to prompt people to ask about it, rather than just accept it’s your name. Some people are happy with that.
     
  7. anon_abstraction
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    anon_abstraction Taylor, the devil's plan
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    Which makes perfect sense.

    I just had to fill out a bunch of forms which did make me uncomfortable so did my counselor saying "goodbye deadname". Just like writing that last sentence, like I intended was hard. I talked to him about but I felt uncomfortable bringing it up. How do you ask people to change?
     
  8. SwordArts

    SwordArts Dedicative Advisor
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    Depends on the person or organisation. I told people at the same time as telling them I’m transgender.
    Start with the easy ones first.
     
  9. anon_abstraction
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    anon_abstraction Taylor, the devil's plan
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    I have told my work I am transgender, I think I will not actually change legally it until where I live does non-binary licensing (cue the optimistic reaction). Get it all done at once.

    My friend who gave me the name changed it on her phone. I changed my phone's name and a few other places.
     
  10. SwordArts

    SwordArts Dedicative Advisor
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    Your choice about whether you change it legally. But speaking as someone who hasn’t changed mine legally yet, maintaining two names is getting challenging and triggers dysphoria.
     
  11. anon_abstraction
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    anon_abstraction Taylor, the devil's plan
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    Nah, I already got that. My friend killed my name and I had to sign 3 forms this morning. I was play pissed with her. Like you couldn't wait until AFTER my forms? It isn't as bad as "sir" or misgendering but it's....not pleasant
     
  12. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    [​IMG]
     
    #12 anocxu, Oct 12, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2017
  13. anon_abstraction
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    anon_abstraction Taylor, the devil's plan
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    Hahahaha I just woke up. Give me a break! I do think it's funny though. I had to scroll up to see what you are talking about.

    I woke up and I couldn't associate my dead name to myself anymore. Better? Lol
     
  14. anocxu

    anocxu Anocxu
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    That's what's missing from our site.
    We don't laugh very much ..

    GOTCH YA!!
     
  15. Erin.b
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    Erin.b ♀ @ ❤
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    Sorry it took so long to reply sib. I read this at work then one thing lead to another and I lost track of the post

    So I've done this. In fact an the day that I came out to Remnants if Hope (online gaming community to which I belong) I renamed my main to what I want to change my legal name to.

    Seems to be working pretty well.
     
  16. anon_abstraction
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    anon_abstraction Taylor, the devil's plan
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    I know how you feel. Most people weren't replying or needing me until 2 minutes before I had to clock in. That somehow I failed to do. I was doing great already. At which point I didn't get back to my phone until like 1 but put a bunch of stuff on Facebook. The kind I expected a lot more reaction to than I got. My family is close lipped like when I came out. My mom posted only one thing and liked none of my stuff like when I came out. I am a little concerned.

    ~however ~

    Back to the topic at hand.

    I want to change my legal name too but I don't know about when. I had a tough time at work which has happened every life change.

    Pan, did poorly at work.
    Nonbinary, could barely work while I tried really hard to force masculinity. By the end of the night I was exhausted from trying to force down what I could not feel and that fact was becoming increasingly noticeable throughout the night. Like trying to fill a mason jar with air by waving my arms about really hard.
    Agender, the next-ish day terrible deplorably awful. The first few days of misgendering were an abomination.
    Deadnamed, I had the closing MOD helping me close because I was so slow. we were the last ones in the restaurant for a while.

    When I am having these problems on dish the water is always dirty faster and I always close slower though I can't figure out why. It feels like I'm working about the same.

    I honestly have to rehearse applying it more. It's not that I don't like it or am changing my mind like it's do or die because deadname if I have another one or not is hella unpleasant. I just need to rehearse it like, "I am agender", or "I am transgender", or "I am AMAB". Deadnaming myself isn't as awful as misgendering myself but it's still uncomfortable.

    In retrospect I am happy I put no part of my deadname in my handle like I considered. That was good of me in retrospect.

    *note*. There's an 'a' in my name now! Dammit. I was the only human being I knew without an 'a' in my name, first middle or last.
     

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